The Reluctant Prospector

head_left_image

"Mismatched" Spouses - Introverts & Extroverts

Got a great question from a reader yesterday!sad face

NH writes:

Dear Jennifer,

What do you do when your spouse doesn't get the SWS* [Sell with Soul] concept? My husband is a born salesman if you know what I mean. He has no problem striking up a conversation with anyone, in fact I get some leads from him because he isn't ashamed to brag about me and refer me. I feel blessed to have someone who believes in me so much and supports my career. But we have now had two heated discussions because I was explaining the SWS concept and why I thought it was the perfect thing for my personality (which is the total opposite from his) and he started "coaching" me on how to get out  there and to face things that scare me; cold calling, door knocking, etc. He said, "Everything can't be all fun and there are things in every one's job that they don't like. You can't always take the easy route" (when it comes to lead generation).

You probably know how I was feeling. I'm not sure what to say anymore because every time we discuss it, someone ends up getting hurt. Has anyone else had this problem, if not with someone close to them, maybe a team leader, broker, or fellow agent?

NH"

Oh, yeah, NH, I SO feel your pain! I've dealt with this all my life, although not as much anymore because I can throw the "I wrote a book about it!" card around. The thing is, extroverts often really don't understand us - they just think we're wussing out when we refuse to do things that make us uncomfortable. I've had my share of knock-down, drag-out fights myself over my more reserved personality, and, like yours, they always end badly.

Here's an article I wrote on the subject - Stop Trying to CURE us!. Here's another "I'm a Reluctant Salesperson". And another. "Introverts, Stay IN Your Comfort Zone"

I believe that a large percentage of the real estate failures (that is, agents who enter the business and then quit) are due to the cookie-cutter training that insists there's only one path to success, regardless of one's personality. That simply ain't true. Once a salesperson (regardless of his or her product) acknowledges, accepts and even celebrates his natural God-given talents and interests, he can blossom doing things HIS way.

But force him to do it THEIR way and he'll almost certainly fail. It's not a matter of being stubborn or stupid or lazy or wussy. We introverts just have a different perspective on the world and the people in it. It's not better, it's not inferior; it's just different.

NH - I'll chat with you more about this offline, but thanks for the Monday morning blog material!

Any fellow Introverts (or Extroverts married to Introverts) have any tips for us? (Other than "suck it up" - we've heard that one before!)

* When I advise agents to "Sell with Soul" it simply means (among other things) that they should stay true to who they are, whether they are introverts, extroverts or something in the middle. But many introverts equate SWS to introversion because the SWS philosophy is one of the few that acknowledges the fact that introverts can be successful selling real estate. However, to clarify, you don't have to be an introvert to  Sell with Soul!!!!

 

 

p.s. I have a special newsletter just for introverts - you can register for it here: http://www.sellwithsoul.com/r_prospect.html

It's Here!

 

The More Fun You Have Selling Real Estate, the More Real Estate You Will Sell! 
(True Story)
Order Your Here!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Comment balloon 29 commentsJennifer Allan-Hagedorn • May 18 2009 06:32AM
"Mismatched" Spouses - Introverts & Extroverts
share
Got a great question from a reader yesterday! NH writes: Dear Jennifer, What do you do when your spouse doesn't get the SWS* [ Sell with Soul] concept? My husband is a born salesman if you know what I mean. He has no problem… more
There's No Harm in Asking, Right?
share
Okay, okay, you are all tired of me ranting and raving about the sins of Referral-Begging and Referral-Bribing which in my opinion, just annoys and irritates your friends. Oh, and a nice side-benefit; it advertises how desperate you are for… more
"Curing" the Reluctant Salesperson
share
As a self-professed introvert (and proud of it), articles about the introvert experience frequently catch my eye. Unfortunately, so many of them center around "curing" introversion or "overcoming" introversion or "succeeding… more
Sphere of Influence Seduction Tips for Phone Calls
share
I have an SOI Business Plan (that is, a plan for how often I contact the people I know) that includes a couple of personal phone calls every week. Before I continue, let me stress that I never ever ever attempt to prospect to my SOI during these… more
"Prospecting" to Strangers Without a Sales Pitch
share
The other day I wrote a blog basically admitting that I've lied all this time when I said that virtually all of my real estate business came directly or indirectly from the people I knew, otherwise known as my sphere of influence (SOI). As… more
In Praise of the Un-Natural Salesperson
share
Have you ever known a real estate salesperson who succeeds in spite of himself? He's sloppy, he's careless, he neglects to return his phone calls and he's always late? His listing presentation consists of an unorganized last-minute print-out from… more
Real Estate Myth #1: Your Love of People Will Make You Successful
share
MYTH #1 Your Love of People Will Make You a Successful Real Estate Agent (excerpted* from Sell with Soul ) "She's not the friendliest person in the world, but she gets the job done" is how one of my biggest clients… more
An Introvert's "Guide" (of sorts) to Prospecting Expireds..
share
Before I write another word, I want to state, for the record, that I have absolutely no experience prospecting to expireds or FSBO's. So take what I say with the proverbial grain of salt. And, please note… this blog is not meant for outgoing… more
Sex, Lies & The Assumptive Close for Real Estate Agents
share
I’ve been watching Sex, Lies & Videotapes on DVD this week. Remember this movie? No? Well, it was made in 1989 so probably many of you missed it due to your crazy elementary school schedule. Anyway, earlier this week I promised to help out the… more
Real Estate Introverts, Pick up that Phone!
share
Okay - calm down. I'm an introvert thru and thru, so trust me, I won't ask you to do anything I wouldn't do myself. We introverts like our email. It's safe, it's efficient and we know we aren't hassling anyone with our attempts at… more