I don't know what it is lately, but I'm getting slammed with emails from readers (that sounds negative, I don't mean it to be - I love hearing from y'all!) about how to meet people to add to their Spheres of Influence. Since a lot of my readers lean toward the introverted side of the personality teeter-totter, they bemoan the fact that they "just aren't that friendly" or "don't enjoy networking events." ME, TOO, and ME, NEITHER!
So, how does a not-that-friendly, networking-phobic real estate agent make new friends?
First, let's clarify why we might want to have more friends as a real estate agent. Agents who follow the Sell with Soul philosophy aren't interested in pestering people for a living - that is - they aren't going to cold-call, door-knock or otherwise impose self-promotion techniques that they would not enjoy being used on them. They'd much rather attract business to them organically, rather than risk annoying people with an aggressive pursuit.
So, that's the mindset we're talking about here. In a very basic sense - inspiring people to ask for your business card instead of your asking if you can give it to them.
A little history about me - before I became a real estate agent, I didn't have a lot of friends... by choice, I liked to believe. I didn't willingly attend parties or other social events because I dreaded those polite conversations where I struggled to find something to say to fill the silence and often that "something" was eye-rolling ridiculous.
So, I avoided social situations when I could, and when I couldn't, I'd hide in the corner with a glass of wine, a plate of cheese and a deer-in-headlights look on my face. I rarely invited anyone to dinner or out for coffee, and when I received such invitations, my automatic response was to find an excuse to say no.
And I was happy enough. Didn't bother me; I like my own company and don't mind being alone. I was successful at my job as an account manager for an insurance company; I had a cool boyfriend and a nice house. What did I need friends for?
Well, going into real estate changed all that, forever. Call me mercenary, but once I was a real estate agent, I suddenly saw the value in having a social network. Hey, the more people I know... the more chances I have of selling some real estate! And I did. Sell a lot of real estate, that is. To and for the people I knew.
And you know what? I'll admit that my initial friend-finding mission was purely self-serving. Believe me, I was and still am an introvert and have no problem hanging out by myself for days on end. I still have no interest in small talk or polite conversation and would rather eat cottage cheese (ick!) than attend a networking event.
BUT... guess what? Having friends is WONDERFUL! And I'm not talking about "wonderful" from a business perspective; I'm talking wonderful as in - it's fun! For many of you, this is a big DUH, but for us introverts, it's not quite so obvious.
Okay, so I'm out of room for today... tomorrow I'll pick up with some ways the less-than-friendly among us can, well, make some new friends!
Thanks Jennifer. Oh so true and sometimes difficult for us less than bubbly personality types to employ. But it is important.
Perhaps if you joined a local Toastmaster Group, it may give you a toolbox to get over the uncomfortable bump with unknowns and you might just fly like an eagle...
Jennifer, good stuff...like always!
You are the best help for me who is a guy who is introverted by nature! Thanks!
I've always been the same way! I've had people look at me - today - and say "You were SHY?????" Yeah...hard to believe, but true. To this day, I still cringe when I have to go to a party. Small talk? Me??? What would I possibly talk about and not sound like an idiot???
Looking forward to part 2!
It is an interesting line we walk in social setting when folks find out we are in real estate I went to a party this weekend and was bombarded with questions. So I was a realtor for a while and hoped I was not over bearing
Hi Jennifer! Reading your posts for as long as I have an seeing your comments to others, I NEVER would have known this about you! I have to say that you are NOT among the minority and I can just feel the warmth when others read this post who feel the same way! GREAT job--as always!
I had a top producer. ONe of the top ones in the nation speak yesterday. He said that it takes 10 hours of time to really get to know someone. So a one hour lunch? You still have 9 hours of one on one time ahead of you to make it happen. That's my next post. Nice star J.
Debe - How funny! I always think my introversion is obvious, but I guess not. Thank you so much for your kind words.
Charlie - I highly doubt you were over-bearing. It's just not possible for us Intro's!
Sue - Oh, I hear ya...
Bob - Anytime, my friend.
Jennifer - Thanks for the tip! I"m actually 100% comfy speaking in public, although I did try a Toastmasters group once and found it intimidating. I'm a terrible role-player.
Gabe - stay tuned... I'll help ya with that!
Jennifer,
You have a way of writing that makes a connection with the person reading your words.
Thank you
Sharon
I think you know me the most on here and know that I share the same personality. I love the fact that real estate opened up me to just enjoying around people, though I must admit, I still need to find my own down time.
Jen, this was an eye-opener. I myself don't do the social scene - hearing people talk about random mindless unimportant things would annoy me to no end. But having friends? That I can do, no problem. Thanks for the encouragement!
I think agents have to get out of their comfort zone a little more if they are wanting to meet more people and increase their SOI...great post!
Jen, nice post and I can totally relate to it. My problem is that I am not introverted but lazy to attend social events. Give me facebook, where I am behind a computer in my pyjamas. Tell me to dress up and meet people is social scenarios and I don't like it !!!!!!! But you are right, in this business we need to network but I think the key is to find your own niche and comfort zone, then you are optimal performance
I am the exact same way. I am in a monthly bunco group and sometimes it's just painful to go, even though I know these ladies. I find what exhausts me most is the need to be 'up'...which I define as being on-point. Sometimes I want to just melt into the sofa and not be energetic and don't have the desire to make conversation. After a long day at work, I often feel that way.
So I go begrudingly to bunco, but I always have a great time, make good connections with the members and the subs, and last month I even got a lead! I hate to say it, but it works!
Jennifer ... Thanks for this reminder that having friends is a very good thing and can also be fun from a busienss perspective too. So let's make some friends.
Hi Jennifer: Isn't it funny how you can be an introverted socially but a total extrovert in your blogging?
I also can spend hours upon hours amusing myself and could do this with no TV and no computer. I also find "networking events" to be very uncomfortable.
I really don't want the guy sitting next to me in the plane to strike up a conversation.
Can't wait for your next post, and love your take on SOI
Love reading your posts - I came from a small town and remember how I was when I first moved to a big city. Lot of growing has happened since then!
I love being around people that I can just be myself. I've always been shy too, but the people that know me are surprised by that. I'm not the kind that can just start talking......I have to really have something to say or I just feel like an idiot. I'm a lot more comfortable in these situations that I used to be though.
It is surprising to many that so many Realtors are introverts by nature, but think about an extrovert in this business, they are the ones that burn out. I have a team member for short sales that can't stand the one on one of a distressed homeowner, but can do battle on their behalf with a loss mitagator over phone and email. I can work the front end, and she can work the back end. Since i don't like the paperwork drill, we can blend without killing ourselves with doing things that we are not suited for. We all have to work within limitations and preserve our sanity.
Groovy !
Hi Jennifer,
This blog is all bout me??? Wow, you nailed my personality to a T. I use to hate the little social events, and networking, but ever since I have been in real estate, my focus has changed. I am now more willing to partake in the parties, get togethers, and social events. Most of the ones I attend come from previous clients invites, and I usually end up with a new client. I love being friendly now. :)
-Lisa
Nice post - it's good to know that there is hope for us "introverts" in real estate :) I like cottage cheese too!
Yes, it does take time to get to know someone. People come off differently at lunch, it's over a period of time that tells the tale.
Patricia Aulson/portsmouth NH real estate
Jennifer - it is important to have a social network of people both online and in social groups as well. And I really enjoy being around people! : D
Hi Jen. When I first met you in 1993 in California, I had no idea you were an introvert. You are such an extrovert in the way you help others progess in real estate!
Someone's bored in training class!!!!!! You know who you are...
Jennifer, it is all about bumping into others without an agenda, and just showing care and interest in THEIR lives. They'll get around to finding out what you do eventually.
The title of your post got me thinking how many of my friends came from being in the business, directly or indirectly, quite a few! Socializing with friends balances all the time I spend talking with people that is strictly business. I used to avoid social events when I could get out of them, but now it's no big deal, go with family, friends or alone. Sometimes that last one is the best, I meet more people in a freer way.
Very cute, Jennifer. I too can be an introvert, it is just easier and more "peaceful", but there comes a time in everyone's life when they have to get out there and make friends.
Good stuff, I like the title, very catchy and it was full of what was promised. THanks!
Hi Jennifer,
It really is hard to step out of one's comfort zone to expand one's social world. I recently decided to go to a networking event completely on my own. Didn't know a sole. My husband thought I was nuts and, to be truthful, as I was handing in my $10 admission I told myself "I could still back out of this." Walking up to a complete stranger and saying hello was also hard, but you know what? That person introduced me to about 5 other people in the room. After that, it was much easier to say hello and introduce myself to other people in the room I didn't know. Most of the people at the event were eithar Realtors, mortgage people, contractors, etc. Next time I'll be a little braver and maybe just go to a Chamber event, or maybe even just something given at the local library.
Jennifer this is a very good post as well all have a certain comfort level. Thanks for the post!
Such a thoughtful post, Jennifer! I'm sensing from the volume of your emails, and the comments here, that a majority of people (from all professions) feel shy about getting out of their comfort zone and meeting new people. I'm sure your words are a comfort to them! Whenever my daughter started a new school, I reminded each morning that every friend she's ever had was once a stranger. For those that know they need to get out and network, but are feeling squeamish about it, I'd suggest finding events and groups that have meaning for you personally. If you love.. turtles, cooking, books, or are passionate about starting a dog park in your area, etc., start with seeking out people with the same interests -- that's where the friends can be found (and they all have relatives and neighbors and friends who might need a Realtor!) Trying to network just for the sake of networking or increasing your SOI, can be a hard first step.
I so look forward to reading more about this from you! :)
Jennifer: Thanks for the post. I think it's important for all of us to step outside of our comfort zone. I think most of us are inherently shy and I can be kind of quiet sometimes. But certain businesses require us to get out there. It doensn't mena we need to be the life of the party but we do need to be somewhat social and continue to build relationships. Thanks again!
Paul
I never would have thought you were the shy type at all! I know it is hard for some to be around people in social situations. I love to be around people- but I need my "me time" as well! Great post, thanks for sharing.
I'm with you on the cottage cheese! Real estate has been very good to me - in spite of the fact that I am an introvert and will always choose to be alone with a good book over going out. I look forward to your next post.
Dear Ms. Allan:
I read the blogs on the first page and you seem to want to help consumers and your colleagues, so I am hoping you could give me some advice on my situation. Actually, I would love advice from anyone willing to give it but based on the blogs you seem likely more willing to help people out.
I am a first time buyer. I have the highest credit ratings and fico, no debt, and more than enough money for any deposit of 20% or more to purchase. So, on Monday I went into a major bank branch to request a pre-approval. I take a few W2s, a few tax returns, and my ID with me to a bank. I provide the stated info to the rep and then showed my documents as proof. She looked them over, verified, pulled credit etc. I told her the amount of loan that I wanted to get approved for because I already knew that I qualified for 3 times more and I know the range that I plan to purchase and so I wanted the approval for what I WANT to spend not what I can afford to spend. She said everything looks "terrific" and I am "approved". Then she claims inability to print out the letter. I asked her to email it to me and she claims that she can't do anything with it because the system is providing an error so she will call in an hour and fax it. I go back to the office and she doesn't call. I call her and she doesn't answer so I leave a message. The next day I decide to call the bank's corporate about the issue and a national rep looks into it and says you are definitely "approved" (the national rep also repeated the same printing error line as the local branch) but don't worry these things usually take 3 days for the underwriters to approve. I disagreed as I have gotten preapproved on the spot before and left with letter in hand. The national rep says she would fax it ASAP.
Today, I receive a fax for a loan number approval and commitment that requests I sign. I didn't have to sign for a pre-approval before and before it was a letter stating conditions and using the word "pre-approved". Now it is a multipage document requiring my signature by a certain date with loan conditions and loan committment. I don't want to sign it because I don't want to committ to anything other than finding a house. Any guesses why is this major bank using this multipage approval/committment with addendums and requiring a signature by a specified date instead of the generic letter that I was expecting? Is this something all of the major banks are doing now (I plan to try another on Friday as I don't have any free time tomorrow)? Do you think I should worry about signing the document? Thanks.
I do not suffer from this challenge being a "High I" personality! But I work with agents constantly who ask me how I got to know so many people in the business and built a huge SOI. I like to help them figure out their personality type so that I can suggest how they can socialize and build a network without feeling out of their skin. It has been fun and I have watched a couple of my mentees grow into real estate moguls as a result a having faith in them and helping them along with the confidence building! Toastmasters is a great solution too as it helps you communicate in almost any situation! Thanks for the post about a very common challenge among people in our business!
Jennifer - Before I entered real estate, I had very minimal needs to network. However, upon entering real estate, I had to learn about networking and it took quite some time.
By the way, what's wrong with cottage cheese? I really enjoy the cottage cheese in the USA. Most of the Canadian brands are not tasty except for one brand that we have found. Unfortunately, all cottage cheese has a very high salt content which does not make it overly healthy.
I would classify myself as extremely introverted. I've overcome this is two ways:
1. I spend a lot on marketing.
2. I have a weekly poker night, and I encourage everyone to bring new people as often as possible.
The marketing costs me money and brings in about half of my business.
The poker night usually makes me money and it brings in the other half of my business.
I just wish I could find enough people for a second poker night.
I look at it like - If you are deliberately branding your name in a SPECIFIC marketplace and actually live there ,then all of these folks are actually your neighbors !!! With that new(imposed)mindset, it makes it easier for me to motivate myself to use my potential by networking/prospecting. It is amazing when I finally meet someone in my(designated)Primary Market Area , I develop a new conscienciousness and start noticing all of the times we probably have been at the same location(at the same time). The Battle is truely in the MIND !!!
Jennifer - Sounds like you were a lot like I am, so that gives me hope that I can change. I much prefer the organic method of getting business than being forced to attend some function. I just hope I can become more extraverted in the process.
Thanks for all the great responses! I'm sorry I didn't get to the Part II of this blog as promised - got distracted... y'know how that happens.
Marc - If cottage cheese were the one food left on the planet, I'm not sure I could eat it. I mean, I really really really hate it. Something to do with bad memories from nursery school...
Jennifer - So true ! I can relate that I very much at times avoid the social networking opportunities and can be quite introverted and shy. It was even a little tougher for me too getting started in real estate in Philadelphia as I had no family in Philly where many agents do a deal here and there with their family or a friend of the family. Starting without a networking base in real estate is hard. But through hard work and building a business, it certainly can be done by anyone. If I can do it having social anxiety disorder, anyone can do it ! Will look forward to Part II !
Great read for all the introverts working in an extroverts world.